Deb D. asks for some guidance concerning the practical application of acknowledging the spark in others and even in ourselves. I can respond only from my experience, being ever more starkly aware that we are each unique ‘energy events’ and learn and process in our own unique ways. So here is Deb’s query, which I shall respond to below, and you are invited to add any response you have in the Comments.
Thanks to all for this wonderful way of being in the world. I can see the beauty in the idea but I’m wondering about the practical application of acknowledging the spark in others and even in myself. Say I’m standing in a conversation with someone and I’m feeling that I’m not getting what I want. They are not “coming around” to my way of thinking. Do I say to myself, this person has the same spark of humanity that I do? What words do I use, even in my mind to help me stop and recognize the spark? In the midst of a difficult conversation, do I say to myself, “Stop and listen and see if you hear – love? Truth? Pain?” Some guidance would be helpful.
Thank you, Deb, for this. I like to think of the spark work as a practice. I need to have had some practice at claiming my spark before I can expect to engage its benefits in a challenging situation such as you describe. That’s one of the uses of the meditations on the website, or joining the meditations we are offering on Sunday afternoons. These help establish the ‘neural pathways’ through which we may access our sparks, they get us used to the practice.
In a tough situation such as you describe, I find that it is the pain, my own discomfort, that reminds me of the option to claim my spark. Once I remember that I can do that, through my spark, I affirm and connect with the spark in the other person. For me, I don’t tell myself anything. I just remember that I can do, and move into doing it, what we term ‘claiming our spark’.
If I am having difficulty claiming my spark, I remember (or hope to remember!) to connect with my roots. This brings me stability, access to living wisdom, and connection with the community. So I feel safe. Feeling safe, I become willing to hold “what I want” more softly, willing to let that shift and modify to become what is best in the situation, what is the peaceful solution. I am no longer invested in the other person coming around to my way of thinking. Being safe, and grounded, I want what is best for all concerned.
Once I am in this ‘space’, I am able (so far!) to affirm and connect with the spark in the other. Our experience in the Discovering the Peaceful Solution workshops is that, indeed, the peaceful solution emerges. Quite quickly and easily if all concerned are claiming their sparks, and connecting with and affirming the sparks in the other. If you are the only one using the spark work, it can take longer; but still, I find that when I am faithful in the work, the peaceful solution does indeed emerge.
As you can see, I do not use words to myself. There is nothing better about this, it is just the way I process things. So I hope that, if using words is what is helpful for you, you can shift what I have to offer in a way that works for you. I am sure that if you want to do the spark work, that you will be able to find a way. And when you do, I hope you will share it for the benefit of all of those whose ‘wiring’ is not like mine! -Martha
Thanks Deb and Martha for giving me an opportunity to reflect on my experience with application of the spark work. Over a year ago a situation developed with good friend and neighbor where I had to set a boundary that I knew would not feel comfortable, yet was required by the circumstances. In communicating with her about it, I sought to leave the door open for further communication and perhaps a different resolution. There was no response. After that, when I drove by her house I connected with and affirmed her spark. I did this with an open heart and no articulated intentions or expectations. In December I learned indirectly that my friend had felt hurt by the last communication she received from me. Knowing this, I sent another text message providing some further explanation and asking if perhaps we could meet around a campfire to talk further. She responded positively and there is an openness now in our communications, though the opportunity to talk around the campfire hasn’t presented itself yet. I trust that, in divine timing, that will happen.